September 28, 1999

COSTNER, WILLIS, DOUGLAS, BRANAGH, STING IN THAT ORDER

By ROGER ANDERSON Scripps Howard News Service

TALKING CELEBRITIES (1): Taking our luminaries in order of descending importance and clout, we start off with that gigantic movie star, Kevin Costner, who makes this remark to People mag regarding his new baseball film, "For Love of the Game."

"When I first read this," Kevin recalls, referring to the original script for the pic, "It didn't track right. But when I was ready, I took it, and hopefully you like the end result." We haven't seen it yet, Kevin, although it's way up there on our list of things to do.

TALKING CELEBRITIES (2): Now that Bruce Willis has pulled an Amazing Kreskin with his faltering career by starring in the mega-successful, very thoughtful motion picture, "The Sixth Sense," he gets to keep gossip dowager Liz Smith apprised of his doings.

"I haven't worked since July," Bruce tells Liz, "and I intend to take the rest of the year off." Sounds rough.

TALKING CELEBRITIES (3): Meantime, no less a movie star than Michael Douglas talks to a New York Daily News reporter about the mother and father of his current light of love, Catherine Zeta-Jones.

"Catherine's family has such a thick Welsh accent," Michael says, "that I don't think I'm going to be able to understand a thing they say."

We wonder what part of "You're awfully old and jowly to be going out with our beautiful young daughter" he'll find unintelligible.

TALKING CELEBRITIES (4): Next up is noted Shakespearean actor turned run-of-the-mill movieland doofus Kenneth Branagh, who, on the occasion of an advance screening of his latest work, "Love's Labor's Lost," makes a statement about this deal where he and his girlfriend, actress Helena Bonham Carter - for whose sake, you will recall, Kenneth ditched his wife, Oscar winner Emma Thompson - have decided to call it quits.

"It's very sad," Kenneth observes. 'It was mutual, no one else involved. We remain great friends."

We feel much better, then.

"That's the truth"

Ken, we believe you. Calm down.

TALKING CELEBRITIES (5): It may very well be that Sting is a much bigger star than Kenneth Branagh and accordingly should precede him in this column - but since we don't care much either way, you're getting Sting now.

Specifically, the high-profile rocker tells an inquiring journalist that he's planning to spend New Year's, appropriately enough, in New York.

"If you're going to be in the countryside for New Year's Eve," Sting reflects, "there are many choices. But for a city there's simply no other choice. I'm an Englishman in New York."

TALKING CELEBRITIES (6): In terms of clout, etc., we're already approaching the bottom of the barrel as we bring you a remark Mathew Modine recently made to New York Post columnist Cindy Adams, who ran into him at a screening of "Double Jeopardy," even though Mathew doesn't even appear in said flick.

"I seldom go to these openings,' Mathew claims. "I live in a quiet area upstate and go to the little neighborhood theater to see my movies. That's the fun, to see it with strangers. Look, I live very simply. I don't even have a TV set." Well, we're not giving you ours.

TALKING CELEBRITIES (7): Can it get any worse? Yes, it can. Here's someone named Michael Bergin, who appears on the television program "Baywatch" - or rather, here's an unnamed friend of his talking to a reporter about Michael's prospects as a father.

It seems Michael had a "brief fling with a makeup artist" who now is great with his child, according to what this person has to say.

"Michael doesn't think of her as his girlfriend," the friend explains, "but he is excited about the baby and he'll be a wonderful father." Sometimes it's actually better for the child if the mother and father barely know each other.

TALKING CELEBRITIES (8): Mick Jagger, in propria persona, would appear way up on our list of top celebs, but the mother of his most recent out-of-wedlock child, model Luciana Morad, doesn't rate nearly as highly - thus her position here at the bottom of the column.

"I think it's very sad when any couple breaks up," Luciana says when asked for her views on Mick's divorce from Jerry Hall, a distressing event that roughly coincided with the revelation that Luciana was having Mick's baby, "especially when there are children involved. But I don't think a marriage breakup is due to one factor. I wouldn't think I was responsible for their breakup, and, anyway, I don't think their marriage is any of my business. I really don't think about it." Not thinking about it doesn't seem to preclude talking about it, which is as it should be.

Roger Anderson is arts and entertainment editor at Scripps Howard News Service.

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